The Misadventures of Kel and Krel
by Wyatt Cascade
Summary: Rated for Harsh Language. A foul mouthed Paladin and a reluctant monk form and alliance, and proceed to wreak havoc via tormenting every staple Character in Wow they can get their hands on. Beware of occasional Out of Characterness... Though I do do my best.


How she'd allowed herself to be talked into this, she'd never know. Keladune wrinkled her nose against the smell of the rotting undead that permeated the halls of the great Icecrown Citadel. Somehow Varian Wrynn had twisted her arm into marching in through the front door, with nine other brainless hooligans of his choosing. Oddly they were all women. Kel had to wonder if the king chose his champions for their skill or for their sexual appeal. She snorted, pulling out a flask and taking a large gulp of the molasses firewater while everyone began to replenish their mana and stop to eat.

"What do you think you're _doing_?!" The lead tank, an obnoxiously squeaky gnome death night, piped up. She tried to snatch the drink from Keladune's hand.

The Night Elf raised an eyebrow quizzically, lifting the flask to head height, far out of the gnome's reach. "Alright there short stuff?" She rasped.

"She's drinking on the job!" The gnome called the attention of the rest of the group. "I say we kick her! Varian will send someone else."

A quiet, stuttering dwarf mage spoke up. "W-we can't kick her... s-she's our b-best healer."

"Ugh. Fine." The death knight rolled her eyes. "But when SHE causes us all to die again, don't say I didn't warn you."

As the raid entered the final wing of the citadel, it was clear that as long as it had taken them to work their way to this point, they were far from prepared.

"So, the light's vaunted justice has finally arrived? Shall I lay down Frostmourne, and throw myself at your mercy, Fordring?"

A human paladin to Keladune's right gave her a sharp jab with an elbow. The woman cupped a hand against her mouth and whispered to the Night Elf, "Hey look, here comes Blondie."

The Night elf followed the Lich King's movement as he slowly descended the icy stairs, wondering how it was he didn't slip and make a complete fool of himself in all that armor. "Who?" she replied in confusion.

The human ignored her.

"We'll grant you a swift death Arthas, more than can be said for the thousands you've tortured and slain." Tirion's voice was bitter as he spat the words at the icy king.

"You'll learn of that first hand, when my work is complete, you will beg for mercy- and I will deny you. Your anguished cries will be testament to my unbridled power..." The Lich King's voice reverberated through the room.

"Ah shut up already!" The Paladin had already drawn the scythe from her back. "God Blondie, you always were so full of hot air, ironic considering you are now covered in ice. Jesus, you even suck at being full of hot air!"

"W-what did you call me?" The Lich King seemed baffled.

"Don't tell me you don't remember~!"

The Lich King ignored her, turning back to Tirion. "No matter. Soon you will all be dead. And then, you will all belong to Frostmourne."

Abruptly, the Lich King rushed the main tank, moving incredibly fast for someone wearing his amount of armor.

And like that, everything had gone straight to frozen hell. Ghouls and aberrations popped out of the ground like daisies, a plague hit one of the healers, and the Worgen priest was down with a horrible strangled death cry.

Keladune struggled to keep the main tank alive, but the gnome's health continued to diminish. "STEVIA! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING FIRE!"

The death knight leered at her, some how still managing to keep the Lich King taunted on to her. "Just heal me! Or are you too drunk to keep up?"

With one more strike, the Lich King felled the tiny knight, leaving her broken body on the ground.

The poor, gentle mage, just happened to cast a fireball at the exact wrong moment, and ran in a panicked dash across the room as the Lick King came after her. "DYING! DYING! DY-" And dead.

God damn it. Keladune considered using her shadowmeld racial ability to survive this mess, but area of effect would just knock her out of it again. She swore under her breath, drawing the Talon of Azshara from it's place on her back. "Screw this." If she was going to go down, she could at least be the last one to go down.

Just as she was ready to die, she felt a back press up against hers. The Paladin's voice rang through the air. "You're that Mistwalker Bitch, right?" she asked.

"Yes." Kel returned.

"Stand as far away as you can, and back me up."

"You're not serious! No one can solo that!"

"Watch this." The paladin grinned, rushing back into the fray. "HAIL TO THE KING, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Kel shook her head in disbelief. "Leeroy Jenkins?" She said half heartedly as she began pouring all her mana into the young woman.

The fight lasted far longer than it would have with a full raid group, but some how, clinging to the last few hit points with an iron grip, they brought him down.

Before they new it, they were standing once again before the King, Varian. Tirion stared at them in shock.

"Milord... I can't explain it, but these two brought down the Lich King, on their own."

"Most intriguing." He said, running his eyes up and down the two of them, his gaze lingering on Keladune far too long for her liking. It was one of the things she hated most about her body. Everyone seemed to want to stare at it.

Tirion coughed. "Ahem. Sir."

Varian blinked. "Yes Tirion."

"The Paladin, your highness. She... has a lot of promise. She's very skilled. However... she lacks a certain amount of discipline..."

"Excuse you bitch?" The Paladin brought her weapon down on the table with a loud CRACK. Startling Varian. "I don't lack anything." She said to Tirion. Then turned to the King. "And you. Will you stop staring at the damn Nelf? Can't you see you're making her uncomfortable?" Finally she turned to Keladune. "I never got your name."

"It's Keladune. Most just call me Kel."

"Well, Kel, I'm Kreluyse. Blue Recluse in five minutes? Drinks are on me."

Kel smiled, for the first time in what felt like years. "I'd like that."


End file.
